How to Build Confidence and Debate Skills in Children

I read somewhere, “The world is often not sanitized. Neither should it be!” It is true, right? I get the instinct: to protect our children at any cost. However, we should also remember that overprotectiveness can have the opposite effect of our intention. 

Real world. Real opportunities. They don’t come from an overly posh place. They come from places of raw talent and unhinged energy. Self-confidence is not a 30-day crash course that you allow your child to master and claim they are now all confident. 

Let me tell you a story: Ten years ago, Punarvi was in third grade. She was struggling to recount a simple story she had committed to memory.  Her voice quivered. Hands shook. She was fiddling nervously with her handkerchief. At some point, I thought her legs would give out. But the shy, wonked-out girl did not give in. She continued narrating the story, despite all the flaws. And that’s when I noticed her grit to sail through adversities. 

Today, she heads her college debate team, brimming with self-confidence that no course taught. She transformed, like a beautiful butterfly, in stages. And her experiences certainly did not come in bubble wraps.  They came from being allowed to wobble, stumble, and find her footing on her own terms.

Before we move forward, I would like to issue a disclaimer: This blog will be unconventional. We are not going to talk in neatly wrapped templates. Instead, we’ll focus on real incidents, examining what worked for some students and what did not.

Building Confidence: Honestly, How Do You Do It?

I’ll drop a truth bomb: Building confidence is messy, especially in children in the IB Primary Years Programme. The classic mistake every parent or educator makes is swooping in the moment a child struggles, offering help before they even ask. You think you are being supportive. What you are actually doing is robbing them of the chance to struggle, fail, and figure things out.

So, what do you do then? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don’t rush to pick your child up when they fall. They will eventually get up. But what you should do is ensure you have got their backs, no matter what. That shadowy, silhouette-y backbone, your child occasionally turns to.  

a. The Real Skills in Debating Start With Listening

Here’s where most parents get it wrong. They think skills in debating mean teaching kids to argue louder or win at all costs. That’s not debate. That’s just playground squabbling with fancy words.

Fundamental debate skills start with something counterintuitive: shutting up and listening. I tell my students, “You can’t tear down an argument you don’t understand.” The kids who become strong debaters are the ones who can repeat their opponent’s position so accurately that the opponent nods and says, “Yes, exactly!“

Try this at home: When your child disagrees with a family rule, before they can present their counter-argument, they must first explain why the rule exists from your perspective. Watch what happens. This time, they won’t just react; they think before putting forth their thought.

b. Turning Debate Into Play

The problem with debate training is that it’s often too formal, too soon. You can’t drop an 8-year-old into a heated climate-change debate and expect the child to know everything or recite facts. Kids first need playful, low-stakes ways to find their voice.

• Balloon Debate – Valuing Your Voice: Students must argue why their assigned historical figure deserves to stay in a hot air balloon while others get thrown out to save it from crashing. Watching a ten-year-old passionately defend why Gandhi is more essential than Einstein? Pure intellectual gold. The beauty is they’re forced to think critically about value, impact, and legacy.
• PEEL Game – Finding Structure: Point, Evidence, Explain, Link. Sounds academic, right? Wrong. I turn it into rapid-fire rounds, where kids have 30 seconds to make a complete PEEL argument about absurd topics, such as “Why homework should only be done in purple ink.” The constraint forces clarity. No rambling allowed.
• Alley Rebuttal – Quick Thinking, Respectfully: Students stand in two lines facing each other. One side makes a claim; the opposing side must immediately counter it – no preparation time. The breakthrough happens in that uncomfortable pause when they realize they actually have to think on their feet. I’ve watched kids go from deer-in-headlights to confident thinkers who can hold their own in any discussion.

These games combine self-confidence with skill. They prove that debate is not one of Arnab Goswami’s sessions; it’s one where you listen, structure, and speak with poise.

Confidence Grows with Small Failures

Confidence builds in those moments when a child raises their hand to ask a “silly” question, when they freeze in front of a crowd, or when they blank out mid-debate.

The trick is not to shield them from these mini-failures but to normalize them. In fact, schools that encourage inquiry-based learning, like the IB Schools in Bangalore, understand this well. They allow students to wrestle with tough questions, explore diverse perspectives, and present unfinished thoughts without fear of being judged.

Why Debate Is Not About Winning

Parents love bragging, “My daughter won first place in the debate.” Great. A big round of applause. But here’s the real question: Did she learn to respect the other side? Did she learn composure under fire? Did she walk away with more perspective than she walked in with?

Winning is overrated. Debate, when done right, teaches humility, patience, and the art of disagreeing without being disagreeable.

Final Thoughts

If you’re a parent or educator reading this, stop searching for shortcuts. Confidence is not built overnight. It’s a process that takes months, even years, to fine-tune. The next time you teach your kid self-confidence, teach them debating skills. Who knows, one day she might surpass you!

At OWIS, our inquiry-driven approach in the IB Primary Years Programme empowers children to explore, question, and develop into confident thinkers and respectful debaters.

Give them those messy opportunities.